May 2085: crazy for you, part 5

Natty and Sophia are 20, Benny is 22, Josh is 18.


Natty wore a silk blouse and some earrings Charlie had bought her for her last birthday. She didn't want to overdo it, but she'd never been to a recital before and she honestly didn't know what to wear. She'd also never been this dressed up without Charlie, and it made her think of all those school dances and proms.

She looked okay, she guessed, but she didn't feel okay. She felt nauseous and anxious and angry and sad.



Charlie was out taking his last final exam for the semester, and she was going to Sophia's senior piano recital. It was supposed to be a good night all around, but Natty couldn't stop thinking. He'd started the game first: "Would you still love me if..."

Would you still love me if I needed to leave?

Natty had come home in tears. She called her mom and tried to explain what was wrong, and all she could come up with was that she loved Charlie so much, and that she'd been with him for so long, and that their lives were coming together so surely, that the feeling suffocated her. It hardly made sense as a concept much less in words. But her mom just hushed her and calmed her and called the airline to book a ticket to Fort Lauderdale. The flight was in five days, open return. "You know you can stay as long as you want here," her mom said. "You can even transfer your credits if it comes to that."

Could she really do it? She imagined all that could go wrong: he'd get mad, he wouldn't forgive her, he'd forget her, he'd find someone new.

But she still had a few hours left before she needed to face that reality.


The concert hall was on campus, and Natty met Benny there to wait with Sophia's parents.

"How did your finals go?" she asked him.

"I've got it in the bag," he said. "Or at least passed. I'd settle for passed. No, I can't settle for passed. I need a B, so I hope I got a B at least."

"So this is it then? You guys are done?"

"Isn't it radical? Man, I feel like we just started. Sophie's done after this. I have six credits to finish this summer. Then, I don't know what. Med school, I guess, if I get in. Shit, I'm not ready. It's all too much. But hey, we've got the summer. Lakeside Beach, baby. Do you bodyboard?"


"Actually..." Natty hadn't told anyone this yet, not even Charlie. Especially not Charlie. But Benny was one of the coolest people she knew. "You won't say anything, will you? I'm serious..."

"What is it?"

"I won't be here this summer. I'm taking some time to... Well, I don't know how to describe it. My parents live in Florida now, and Charlie will be here, and..."

"Whoa, that sounds heavy."

"It's not as bad as it sounds. Or well, it's not what it sounds like, exactly. I don't know. But do you think you could do me a favor?"

"Sure," Benny said. "Anything. You helped me pass Psychology. I owe you one."

"Would you check in on Charlie for me while I'm gone?"

Benny looked at her funny. "What? Like fill up his food bowl and take him for a walk to the park?"

Natty burst out laughing. The tense ball of nerves in her stomach lifted. "Benny, you're amazing."

He grinned. "I promise though. I won't let him out of my sight."

Then Josh slipped past Natty into an empty seat. "Sophie's ready to start," he said. "She'll be on in five."


He settled in and turned to her. "Hi, Natty," he said.

Of course Josh was there. And of course he'd taken the chair next to her instead of the open one on the other side of his dad. It wasn't that Natty wished he wasn't here, she'd just kind of forgotten about him with everything going on. Out of sight, out of mind, maybe.

"Hi, Josh," she said.

The sight of him brought it back. He was a nice guy. He was lovely to look at. He had a huge crush on her, and she knew it. She didn't mean to torment him, but she didn't want to be mean to him either.


He was a beautiful man—she wouldn't be alive if she didn't notice that. She thought about him in an objective and scientific way. She thought about the biology of it, all of the anatomy, strong and chiseled and hard, that body connected to a mind she hardly knew. While other bodies, more modest and taken for granted, might be connected to the most exquisite mind she'd ever known. Her Charlie, the reclusive genius, her best friend for most of her life. How curious all the combinations people came in.

She could only think about Josh in a curious way, because to be honest, besides his large sturdy frame and pretty blue eyes and friendly smile and a tendency to forget where he was going, she really didn't know him at all.

"Shhh," Benny hissed. "You guys, she's starting."


Benny watched her take the stage with a wide-eyed wonder. "She's pretty good, huh?"

Sophia hadn't started playing yet, but she looked amazing at least.


Sophia's fingers fluttered over the keys. The piece shifted in movements, quickly first, then carefully, then hastily, then sadly, then longingly.

Natty tried to imagine if or when she'd ever heard a piano played like this before. They told her Sophia was good, and she'd expected that, but this was unexpected. Sophia played that piano like it was an extension of her own arms. The sound that came out was like she sang it from her own lungs.


Natty's chest swelled like the music was telling her a story. But not just any story; it was a story that felt like the way Sophia moved, something full of passion and pain. Sophia's eyebrows furrowed with intensity at times, her eyes closed at other times, her whole body swaying softly like she might lift her fingers from the keys and spread her wings to take flight. Natty could have flown too. Like she could just lift her arms and launch into the sky. Not just that she could, but that she needed to.

Didn't they say that music could move through you in that way?

The last note held in the quiet room for so long, an eternity before everyone finally stood to clap.


"Yes!" Natty shrieked. "That was SO INCREDIBLY GOOD."

"Told you," Benny said.

"When she's famous," Josh said, "I'll be her manager."


Benny was the first to rush on stage to give her flowers.


After everyone filed out of the rows, they all met up with Sophia's mom in the lobby. "Your father is using the restroom before we go out."

"Natty should come," Josh suggested with childlike glee.

"Natty, yes, we've heard so much about you!"

So much, Natty mused. From Josh, she was sure.

"Well I'm going to find your father. Natty, we're going out for dessert from here, you're welcome to join us."


"My mom likes you," Josh told Natty.

"Well, I like your mom too," Natty said.

And so Josh told her about their parents a little. Their mom was on City Council, and their dad was a Marine. "My dad's in the military too. How cool. Me and Charlie used to wait for him outside my house to take the helicopter past. He wasn't really supposed to, but he always did just for us."

"Are you coming?" Josh asked her. "You should come out. This place has the most awesome chocolate cream pie, I've been trying to work out the recipe, but I just can't match it. You have to try it. I know you'd love it."


"Oh..." Natty stalled. What could she say? She glanced quickly across their faces, and it wasn't that they weren't welcoming, but it was Josh asking the question, it was Josh's idea first. It was Josh waiting for her answer, his face full of hopefulness and his smile welcoming and his strong arms ready to loop through hers and whisk her away.

This couldn't get any worse. It was never about that for her. If she wanted to kiss him, it was only in a curious way. If she wanted to touch him, it was only because she'd never touched a man built like he was. But she didn't know him. There was nothing for him in her heart, and she wasn't here to swap out one boyfriend for another.

"I can't," Natty said. "I have... plans."

Plans? What was wrong with her? What kind of plans were these? Sorry, I can't go out with you, I just need to go destroy the love of my life tonight.


"You don't have to stay long if you don't want. I mean, the chocolate cream pie. Or maybe I could box some up and bring it over..."

To her house? Tonight? Where she'd be telling Charlie the most loathsome thing she's ever told him? Maybe it didn't have to happen tonight...

No, it had to happen tonight. She had plane tickets already booked. "No, you don't have to do that."

"But I want to. I don't mind, it's just two houses down."

He wouldn't stop. Panic rose in her, wanting to scream "no" at him, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings. He just didn't get it. He couldn't possibly understand how much pressure and frustration this was.

"We don't even have to hang out," he added. "If you're not up for it. You could eat it tomorrow, though it really is better fresh."

Natty closed her eyes and sighed. She couldn't listen anymore. He was so young, so naive. Had he ever even had a real girlfriend before? He thought it was all so simple to him—if you've got a problem in the relationship, you just sweeten it up with chocolate cream pie?

It wasn’t fair that she met Charlie when she was twelve while the rest of them got to grow up and be young and carefree, flirting with whomever they wanted, flings and one-night-stands and fleeting crushes, not even seeing the depth she saw, the bonds, the history, the consequences, and everything that was at stake to lose. How could she need so badly to get away when she knew exactly where her heart was? With the boy she grew up with, the reclusive genius, her sad best friend, the only man she could ever imagine loving. What good could come of this? What if they could never fix it?

"Oh God, I'm gonna throw up," Natty said.


"I didn't think it was that bad..." Josh's voice trailed off, finally.

Natty shook her head. "I didn't mean..."

"Oh, Joshie," Sophia said softly. "I don't think Natty's feeling very good. Let's stop talking about the pie, okay?"

Josh stopped. And maybe he'd nodded or shrugged or something before he turned to walk away, Natty couldn't look him in the eyes to find out.

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