July 2085: in between days, part 3

Natty is 20. Ashley is 50.

Soundtrack, "In Between Days" by The Cure

Thursday, July 27, 2085: 10:00 pm


Natty called Charlie from home again when she got there, but that was silly. It had only been five minutes since the last time she tried. She called Benny next, but there was no answer there either. It was too late to call Gabby again. Gabby would probably be in bed by now anyway, and Natty didn’t want to lose favor with Charlie’s parents any more than she already had.

Natty didn’t know what else to do, so she picked up some dinner plates and took them to the sink.



“Oh, sweetie, why are you home so early? You don't have to pick those up, I was going to get them. But... why are you cleaning in your dress?”


“I just wanted... I don't know... and Hilary, she's just, she’s just so different now... and Charlie is never home anymore because I made him go make friends... And Mom, I just wanted... I wanted..."

Natty never knew what she thought she would accomplish here.


She just knew that she stopped talking and from the pit of her stomach burst the most consuming, horrible, bellowing sob, so much disappointment, so much paralyzing confusion, so many things lost. She couldn't stop it and so she just let it all come out.


“Oh, no,” Ashley cooed. “Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

Natty sobbed into her mother's bathrobe until she thought her eyes might cry themselves out of her head.


Ashley said, "Here's what we're going to do—you'll go put your pajamas on. I have some key lime pie in the fridge, and we’ll sit down, and you can tell me all about it.”


Natty put on some pajamas and sat down at the counter.

"So where’s Hilary?"

"She met a boy, as usual. Mom, she’s just so different now. We used to have so much fun, now all she wants to do is meet new boys, and they’re all such idiots. She thinks I’m making a mistake, being with Charlie and not dating other boys. I don't even want to date any of those boys."

"There’s no right or wrong way to grow up. She’s doing what she needs to do, and you’ll do what you need to do."

"I just... I don't know how I thought this all would go, but at least I thought it would be fun. But it’s not fun. I wanted to know what it would be like to be single, but I’m not single. I can’t pretend to be single either—it’s like, I wanted to come here and do all the things that Hilary says I’m missing out on and see what my life would be like if everything was different. But my life can’t ever be different without losing Charlie for real, and I don’t want to lose him at all, especially not for real."

Ashley bit her lip, a glimmer of nostalgia and secrets. "Can I tell you something I've never told anyone?"

Natty nodded.


"A long time ago, when you were little—if you might imagine a time when your mother was young and skinny and beautiful once..."

"You're still beautiful, Mom."

"There was another man."

"Oh my God," Natty said.

"Now, we didn't do anything. I promise you we didn't. But I had to make a choice, because he liked me a lot, and I liked him too, and your father and I were going through a rough patch."

"But you don't regret picking Dad, do you?"

"No. Not for a second. But it doesn't mean I don't wonder what the other choice would have been like sometimes. In another universe, there's another me who chose differently. Or maybe she didn't spend so long trying to build a restaurant, or maybe she had more children instead. Maybe I'm happier than she is, but there's no way to know. You get one life. You get to do some things and not others, you hold on to some things and let go of others. It's up to you what you hold on to. Most of the time, you can't have everything."


"What if it's never the same again?"

"It might not be the same," Ashley said. "It might be better."

"Or worse," Natty said.

"You can’t know either way until you talk to him."

"He’s not home. He’s made all these friends and now he’s never home anymore. I don’t even know who most of these people are that he’s hanging out with. What if they don't like me? What if he doesn't care if they don’t like me? What if he doesn't even care if I come back at all? What if I ruined everything? What if he doesn’t miss me? What if he won't forgive me? What if he doesn’t love me anymore? I wish I never came here. I just want to take it all back."

"No, you don’t," Ashley said. "However it works out, you’ll be glad you did this."

Natty shook her head.

"Have a little faith, okay? You and Charlie have a lot of history. I don’t think taking a couple weeks to visit your parents is going to ruin everything."

Natty breathed in, and then out, like she’d been waiting all summer for that breath.


"Well, even if nobody else is, I’m glad you came," Ashley said. "It’s not that we don’t love Charlie, but it’s been nice having you all to ourselves again for a little while."

“This pie is good, Mom. Can you teach me how to make it?”

Natty wasn’t just trying to please her mother. She really wanted to learn to make the pie. And there was nothing her mother loved more than teaching Natty how to cook new things.


Natty called Charlie at eleven, but there was no answer. She tried again at midnight. She hoped he was having fun, but not as much fun as Hilary was having. She hoped Hilary wasn't getting gonorrhea or pregnant or murdered. She hoped if things could never be the same again, they would be better rather than worse. She hoped she wouldn't ever have any regrets.


She meant to try Charlie's number again at one, but she just closed her eyes for a little bit—she wasn’t expecting to fall asleep—but as she listened to the voice of a cooking show host talking about lamb chops, she started to dream of lambs and chop suey, and then nightclubs with dancing lambs in sequined bodysuits. And then she was there with them, electric sliding amidst the musical animals into the deep, comfortable pits of sleep.

—