Soundtrack, "In Between Days" by The Cure
Thursday, July 27, 2085: 2:30 pm
Having Hilary back made Natty feel fifteen again for a minute, and she thought that was everything she'd wanted, for things to be back the way they used to be. It was just like old times, the way the two of them would sun themselves on her parents beach when her dad would drag Charlie and Isaiah to an air show because he had no sons of his own. Natty could almost pretend they were back there again. Almost. If she pretended really hard.
It was Hilary's idea that Natty probably shouldn't call Charlie while she was here. "You need to experience being your own person for just once."
"I am my own person," Natty said.
"Not really," Hilary told her. "You're Charlie's girlfriend. But who are you? Who are you without him? Don't you want to find out?"
Natty had told herself that exact thing five weeks ago, and now it sounded like a load of bullshit. Like she was going to magically turn into some new and exciting person with a magic haircut and instant personality change? Was it supposed to unveil something profound about her life? All she'd discovered was that she didn't really like her hair short. She couldn't wait for it to grow back again.
Natty had expected all of this to feel different. She expected something to happen here. That maybe some cogs would click into place and she would reach enlightenment, or at least she'd have a little bit of fun. Instead she felt nothing, except anxious that too much nostalgia was making her lose grip on her whole life. This was not her life.
